Happy Anniversary Mommy

Today is one of those odd days of reflection for me.  I can, with exact clarity, remember where I was at every moment of this day two years ago.  I can recall the smells, the sounds, the thoughts running through my head.  If I think too hard, I can even bring back that overwhelming feeling that the room is rapidly running out of air.

Today is the two year anniversary of Alison’s diagnosis.  Last year I tried to sweep it under the rug.  It didn’t work.  Instead of keeping busy, I was miserable.  This year I decided to take another approach.  Another D mom was blogging about how they celebrate the victories on their diagnosis date, so we thought we’d take that approach.

Alison had a scheduled appointment at the Endo clinic and we went to Dairy Queen after.  Nothing fancy.  In fact, it will seem like nothing at all to most of you on a hot summer day, but, in our house, where ice cream is a luxury, it was akin to a royal visit!

The part of the day that is still replaying in my head right now is a conversation I had with one of our nurse educators and a student that was learning from our yearly panel review session.  I had mentioned how far we had come in the last two years.  How I looked back to two years ago, exactly today, and don’t even recognize the person I was, how much I have grown and adapted.  I said how I really wish I would have known that it was going to be ok.  Not tomorrow, or the next day, or six months down the line.  Not that it was ever going to be normal, or the same, but that we’d find a new kind of happiness and that’s ok too.  He mentioned that the past weekend had been a very busy diagnosis weekend in our area.  So as I go to bed tonight, my hope and prayer is this…I hope that those going through the phase that we were in two years ago tonight will find the grace, courage, hope, love and strength, a little bit at a time.

And as Alison said to me while devouring her ice cream “happy anniversary”