My Coming Out Party

Did that get your attention?  Well, I am coming out with something.  It's a secret that I try very hard to keep. Here goes, now pardon my language, because I am going to lay it on in big girl words today - I don't have my shit together.

There, it's off my chest.  You all know my dirty little secret.  We've been living the diabetic life since July 2010 and I am not even remotely close to having things in order.  I may look like I do from time to time and I even think I do sometimes, but I don't.  I will look in my supply area, so neat and tidy and my heart will race, my pulse beating in my ears when I realize with dread that I have three infusion sets left!  I will get on the phone with our pump supplier, all in a tizzy and order more in a Hail Mary Pass attempt to get supplies on my door step with in the hope that we don't have some emergency that will require three set changes back to back to back.

I think I am all zen, in control of my emotions, then someone will say something callous or simply ignorant like "do you really need to test Alison's BGLs in the middle of the night?  What's the worst that could happen?"  or  "I believe there's a metaphysical connection when it comes to illness.  What do you think that Alison was holding on to emotionally that might have made her physically ill?" 

I think we have a routine, then something will happen, say at school, like when the Education Assistants Union decides that the EA's need to be trained by the hospital in order to check her blood sugar or give her a bolus.  Then we find out that after setting up education for more than one EA, the teacher is now doing this (still not sure what the situation is)...Think I am going to wait until I am calm enough to address the situation in the proper manner it deserves.

But here's something that's important to note, when we were first diagnosed, I felt a sense of total and complete loss.  There weren't enough hours in the day for life AND diabetes.  Diabetes won.  There was no fun, no food, no friends, no gym, no movies, no blog.  Now there's time for both on a good day.  Okay, the house is still a mess, but Children's Aid has not knocked down the door demanding the kids, there are no bugs, everyone is essentially well.

And, we live with hope because Alison has hope and she is hope.

The picture below is not my bathroom (mine isn't quite so clean)