Get ready world.  I am going to attempt the WEGO 30 day blog challenge.  Please forgive me if some of the posts are short and don't make sense...I will do my very best to be relevant and entertaining for the next month!

My Coming Out Party

Did that get your attention?  Well, I am coming out with something.  It's a secret that I try very hard to keep. Here goes, now pardon my language, because I am going to lay it on in big girl words today - I don't have my shit together.

There, it's off my chest.  You all know my dirty little secret.  We've been living the diabetic life since July 2010 and I am not even remotely close to having things in order.  I may look like I do from time to time and I even think I do sometimes, but I don't.  I will look in my supply area, so neat and tidy and my heart will race, my pulse beating in my ears when I realize with dread that I have three infusion sets left!  I will get on the phone with our pump supplier, all in a tizzy and order more in a Hail Mary Pass attempt to get supplies on my door step with in the hope that we don't have some emergency that will require three set changes back to back to back.

I think I am all zen, in control of my emotions, then someone will say something callous or simply ignorant like "do you really need to test Alison's BGLs in the middle of the night?  What's the worst that could happen?"  or  "I believe there's a metaphysical connection when it comes to illness.  What do you think that Alison was holding on to emotionally that might have made her physically ill?" 

I think we have a routine, then something will happen, say at school, like when the Education Assistants Union decides that the EA's need to be trained by the hospital in order to check her blood sugar or give her a bolus.  Then we find out that after setting up education for more than one EA, the teacher is now doing this (still not sure what the situation is)...Think I am going to wait until I am calm enough to address the situation in the proper manner it deserves.

But here's something that's important to note, when we were first diagnosed, I felt a sense of total and complete loss.  There weren't enough hours in the day for life AND diabetes.  Diabetes won.  There was no fun, no food, no friends, no gym, no movies, no blog.  Now there's time for both on a good day.  Okay, the house is still a mess, but Children's Aid has not knocked down the door demanding the kids, there are no bugs, everyone is essentially well.

And, we live with hope because Alison has hope and she is hope.

The picture below is not my bathroom (mine isn't quite so clean)

Every Three Day Stress

I gotta say, the set change stress is really killing us.  We've tried Elma.  We've tried bribes (small ones, big ones) but some times, last night being one of them, no matter how calm and zen we start out, we cannot get Alison to sit still and let us just quickly administer her set change.  I mean, I don't blame her, I wouldn't want to have someone put a spring loaded needle into my tummy or bum every three days, even if it was numbed. That is a lot to ask of a girl of five.

What does this all mean?  Later bed times for everyone as we struggle to get the pump back on and wound up parents who find it hard to drift off at their bed time and hard to get up in the morning.

Hopefully it will get better from here.

Ten Reasons I Get Up at 4 AM

(most days)

When people find out that my day starts at 4 am, they tell me I am crazy.  I endeavor each day to get up at 4, jump out of bed with boundless energy; trot happily to the gym; workout like a demon; get ready for work and have a highly productive day.  Sometimes that happens.  Sometimes I hit snooze a couple of times and and I get a small workout in.  Sometimes I hit it many times and find myself cursing trying to get ready after only a shower.

So here are Ten reasons that I go to the gym at an ungodly hour (I really hope I can make it to ten)

1. Because I used to be morbidly obese.  I didn't like how I felt.  I was tired.  I had stomach problems.  My back hurt. I don't want to be there again.
2. I don't want my girls to struggle.  There are so many young kids out there talking about being fat.  I don't want that to be an issue for my kids.  Self esteem starts at home.  There is a problem with diabetic girls who have eating disorders.  I want my girls to learn how to be fit and healthy.
3. I am a busy mom, sadly, 4 am is my only guaranteed "me time".
4. Showering in a locker room full of other women is the closest thing to privacy I get.  I am not even kidding.
5. I am a better mother, wife, friend, advocate, employee and all around human being when I have exercised.
6. I am less tempted to eat crap when I have a real measurable goal and commitment.  Today I was at a big trade show where there were chocolates, wine, cake, ice cream, cookies everywhere, I wasn't tempted to overdo it because I knew that I have a body composition weigh in tomorrow and I really would like to have dropped about one pound this week.
7. Going to the gym before the crack of dawn allows me to avoid the rush that happens after work.  I never wait for a machine, I never wait for a shower or a blow dryer.
8. In the same vein as number 7, everyone who visits the gym in the wee hours of the morning knows each other by name.  We give each other pointers, we chat.  We're gym friends.  We look out for each other.
9. I feel better about myself in every single way.  I feel more beautiful.  I feel smarter.  I feel better in my clothes.  I sleep better.
10. I am putting myself first.  Our nurse practitioner told us upon Alison's diagnosis that if I didn't take care of myself, I couldn't take care of Alison.  It took a loooong time for that one to sink in, but it finally has.

A little word of advice?  Find something that makes you feel healthy and happy and puts you first for a while...Everyone in your D-family will be better for it.

I'm so Glad I got Diabetes Said No One Ever

Well, No One?

**Disclaimer here.  The post below is my opinion about my experience with my brief period with diabetes.  It doesn't reflect anyone else's experience.  It is not meant to offend, though things that are not meant to ruffle feathers usually do**

I was sitting around, reflecting on Alison's upcoming 5th birthday when I saw one of those Pinterest fake ecards; it read "I'm so glad I got Diabetes! Said no one ever" and at first I thought, that's true.  But after mulling it over, which I admit, I do far too much of, even when it comes to the mundane, I asked myself, "self, did I regret getting gestational diabetes?"

I had a long hard look back at 2010, at my brief life as a diabetic, which isn't easy, because that is a can of worms that I really don't like to open.

If you had asked me in February of 2010 what the prognosis for the year was, I would have told you I was going out to buy a loto ticket as the odds were in our favor. The hubby and I were doing well in our careers, we had an amazing, beautiful, precocious two year old and were expecting our second child in the fall.  It was all golden.

I was sick from my pregnancy, but that was ok and we moved things along until the summer, that's when the wheels fell off.  Just to summarize; all within the span of a few months  my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic Cancer and later passed away; Alison was diagnosed with T1D, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, my blood pressure was too high to work (I ended up spending the last month and a half in and out of the hospital until our youngest daughter Riley was born in October).

But here's the thing.  The diabetes was a stress when Alison had it by herself.  It was scary for me to think of the gravity of it, of the enormous weight.  Testing her (did it hurt?)  Giving her needles (what does a dose of Insulin feel like running through your body?).  But when we were both diabetic and  did everything together for three months, mother and daughter, pricking our fingers together, injecting our insulin at the same time, making a game of who goes first, it wasn't scary.

To this day, Alison says, "Remember when we had diabetes together Mommy?"  

I am so glad that I had diabetes.  If there's a higher power and this was it's to help ease my daughter into life with a disease that is insidious, cruel, scary and unkind, I am OK with that.  In fact, I wish I could have done more and, because of this, I also understand why everyone else agrees with the ecard.

Back to Blogging in 2013

So I have not blogged since October and I will give you a partial excuse.  Alison started JK in September and as a family, we've caught every cold and flu that has gone through her class.  It all came to a head in November when we are all hit with a really bad cold that had the girls coughing and feverish and ended with Terry and I having matching sinus infections, bronchial infections and "almost" ear infections. 

As isn't uncommon for busy moms, my cough lasted until just before Christmas, long after everyone else was on the mend.

I am very, very anxious about Alison's next endo appointment as all these bugs and fevers mean we have had some very high BGLs.  Here in Ontario, Canada, you have to maintain a certain A1C score to continue qualifying for pump funding.  While I have a good insurance package at my work, they are only willing to pay for anything over and above the Assisted Devices Program funding.  

February, and Ali's appointment will mark our first year anniversary of pumping and boy has it made a huge difference!  I wouldn't go back to injections if you paid me!  Not only because it is easier in so many ways for us adults, but because of the freedom and normalcy it gives Alison.

Riley and Ali Dec 2012

The new year is bringing with it new opportunities too.  I have teamed up with the Blue Heel Society to start an Ontario BHS chapter.  We'll be putting together something in the future for the Ottawa D-Moms and D-Dads in order to don our blue shoes and raise some awareness - so stay tuned!

D-Mama and The Flu

Ok, I remember someone saying that when you have a baby there will be nights where you get no sleep and not realizing that they were being literal.  You may not realize that being a D-Mom is like having an infant at times.

Having a child with Diabetes who has the flu is an insomnia enducing event!  You monitor their blood sugar a little more, you let them snuggle in your bed with you (at least we do) and you wake at every cough or snuffle.

Last night was a long one for us.  I was in the midst of a crazy fever when Ali woke up in the middle of a flu induced nightmare.  Alison snored all night and struggled with her breathing.  But in the end, although she's still really sick, her BGLs have been pretty good.  They've yo-yoed up a bit, but we've been able to bring them back down. 

We expected that Junior Kindergarten would expose us to colds and flus, but we were not ready for 5 illnesses in four weeks :).  Not like this, never like this as they say!

Oh! Well!  We'll nap this afternoon and hope that we all have a better go at sleep tonight!