Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Day 9: #HAWMC
What Am I Messing Up
What Am I, Hopefully, Doing Right.

I decided that I would boost my confidence a bit and help my writing (cheat) by asking my five-year-old and favorite diabetic what she thinks I might be doing right as a caregiver.  I said, "Hey Ali, as a stand-in Pancreas, what do I do well, and where could I improve".  She looked like she was giving it a great amount of thought and then simply said "I dunno".

So, on my own, I must rate myself and tell you what I hope I am doing well.  Open up that big can of worms that keeps me up at night.  OK, that's a lie, the fear of hypoglycemia keeps or wakes me up at night, but these things are what I think about when I can't sleep and desperately want to not get out of bed.

I believe I am a good researcher and planner.  I decided to take a course (I mentioned the chronic illness course back in the post about resources in week one).  This was an eight week course to learn to deal with every aspect of living and caring for someone with a long term illness, including your own stress.  It was important to learn to take care of myself in order to take care of my family.

That's point two.  I neglected myself at first and have stopped that within the last year.  I have to get up at 3:45 am to get to the gym, but I go.  I am getting back to my healthy weight, feeling better and stronger inside and out, which allows me a sense of clarity I need to deal with the stress of this life.

I don't freak out about Diabetes.  It's here to stay.  I am stuck with it, it with me.  I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never, ever have a life where it will not be in my thoughts or fears.  I will always love and worry about my daughter, so it's best to just accept that we're a Diabetic family and go from there.

I am teaching my child that she is a champion, not a victim.  At five,  she understands her condition.  She doesn't feel self pity, in fact, it is quite the opposite - she raises money every year for the Telus Walk to End Diabetes (for JDRF).  She explains her "sleeping pancreas" to classmates and adults alike.

All in all, we are teaching and learning from each other and finding our way as a family.  Some days are really hard, I won't lie, but we'll pull through it together, because, in the end, that's what we do best.



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